COLUMN: Let’s Talk Mental Health – How we use emotions makes them positive or negative
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Let’s talk about the positive and negative aspects of anger. We often think of anger as a “bad” emotion although anger is neither good nor bad. It’s how we use our anger, and other emotions, that creates potential for them to become positive or negative.
Anger is an emotional response informing us when someone or something has interfered with our goals, gone against us, or wronged us some way. We might feel like defending ourselves, getting revenge or attacking. People of all ages experience anger occasionally. Ways we experience and express it can vary according to our gender, culture, religious beliefs, or upbringing.
Four types of situations tend to provoke our anger: frustrations, irritations, abuse, and unfairness. Anger is common when we’re trying to accomplish something important and something else interferes. For example, we apply for a job we really but do not get a job offer. Irritations, too, such as daily hassles, can be annoying and can trigger anger. For example, we get interrupted frequently or forget something at home and have to go back for it. Anger is also a normal and expected reaction to any form of abuse or unfair treatment.
Anger can lead to positive change if we express it in useful and constructive ways. People who feel angry about social injustice often achieve many positive results by working and speaking out to make changes. In these cases we see the motivating anger as a good thing.
On the down side, excess anger harms us when it causes problems in family life, relationships, work and health. Poorly managed anger leads to aggression, child and spousal abuse, road rage, and other violent crimes. Research shows people who don’t manage anger well are more likely to get ill and less able to fight off illness or disease. Anger has also been associated with higher levels of perceived pain and with heart disease. It can also lead to muscle tension, increased heart rate, and other unhealthy body responses. When we experience anger problems, we tend to cope less well with stress, have lower self-esteem, become more likely to misuse drugs or alcohol, and judge others unfairly. Clearly, too much anger is not good for us.
We know anger is a problem if it is too frequent, even though sometimes it’s appropriate and useful to address problems. However, coping with lots of anger on a daily basis may be reducing the quality of our life, our relationships and our health. Even when anger is justified, we’ll will feel better if we choose the most important battles and learn to let others go.
The intensity of our anger can also indicate problems. Anger triggers an adrenalin response and other physiological reactions, causing our hearts to pump faster and breathing to increase. When we’re very angry, we’re more likely to act impulsively and do or say something we regret later. Similarly, when angry feelings last too long, they are hard on our mood and our body.
Anger is always problematic if it leads to aggressive behaviour. Lashing out at others verbally or physically is an ineffective response to conflict and no one benefits. At its worst, such anger can cost us our jobs and destroy important relationships.
People often ask
Q. It seems I’m calm one minute and then, before I know it, I’m furious. How can I change my angry response if I can’t see it coming?
A. Anger can surprise us with sudden, sometimes destructive force, and at times can seem both inexplicable and unstoppable. The good news is that anger is explicable and stoppable, although it might feel otherwise.
Although rage may seem to come from nowhere, counsellors and researchers generally agree that emotions which cause us to fly into a fury and lash out at people we love are not fleeting. Just as ocean waves originate in distant storms, anger also grows from deeper emotional disturbances. In anger management therapy you can learn what’s behind your anger and the ways your body signals that anger is growing. Then you can learn proven techniques to avoid causing harm with your anger.