AS I SEE IT COLUMN: I deserve Vic Peters’ Brier gold medal

Given the crazy events of the past week, I now think I should get some awards.

When the late legendary Vic Peters won the Brier in 1991, our 2 Sports Guys show was a huge supporter of Vic. We were proud a fellow Steinbacher was the best curler in the country, and we cheered him on like crazy; we were even in Regina to watch Vic’s rink win the Brier. Given my enthusiastic cheerleading, I think I’ll ask Vic’s wife or daughter if they will give me Vic’s Brier medal.

Twelve or so years before that, my teammate Darcy Gryba beat out future NHL Hall of Famer Brett Hull as the MVP of a huge midget hockey tournament in Calgary. Yes, it’s true I stick-handled like the puck was a hand grenade and my coach said my slapshot “wouldn’t disturb a pail of water,” but I worked like a dog that tournament. I worked so hard I’m now going to ask Darcy if he will give me his trophy (which is still the biggest trophy I’ve ever seen. I think it was nearly as tall as Darcy was.) So what if he scored a ton of goals and I didn’t — I now think I deserve his trophy.

And before that, when I was a pip-squeak kid in grade 10 with a mullet, I was a huge cheerleader for Paul Reimer, who was easily the best volleyball player in the province. Nobody, and I mean nobody, was a bigger supporter of Paul than I was. So I’m going to ask Paul if he’ll give me his award. He earned it, but now I think he should give it to me.

I never thought I’d type these words, but I genuinely want to thank Donald Trump. He’s making me think I should get one of those awards, because of my efforts described above.

Of course, all the justifications I listed are beyond preposterous and completely unhinged from reality. But ridiculous requests for awards not truly earned, seems to be in vogue right now, so why not make some of my own?

Plus, are my justifications really any more irrational than Trump’s, who is so utterly deranged he thinks he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize even after bombing seven countries last year, after sending the U.S. army into the streets of American cities and after threatening to invade Greenland?

As one Norwegian politician told The Guardian, it would have been “absurd” to give the convicted criminal the prestigious Nobel award.

After the felon in the White House finally got the Nobel Peace Prize he’s been whining about incessantly (gifted to him by the person who actually won it), it got me thinking: Maybe I deserve Paul’s or Vic’s or Darcy’s award.

Trump showed his peak derangement when he looked so gleeful receiving the medal that was awarded to someone else. Normal human beings (a) wouldn’t privately think they deserve someone else’s award; (b) wouldn’t go public with their begging and (c) wouldn’t be so happy to receive someone else’s medal. Normal human beings would feel sheepish and entirely undeserving.

It defies understanding, but he looked like he actually thought the medal had been awarded to him by the Nobel committee. The man is profoundly sick on so many levels.

In any event, if things go well, I will soon have a Brier gold medal, or a huge MVP hockey trophy, or a plaque signifying I was the best volleyball player in Manitoba, all thanks to the president.