COLUMN: Grey Matters – Intergenerational commitment

“All great achievements require time.” -Maya Angelou

What if every single person who was in your family and children’s life accepted them and believed in them? I mean everyone – their siblings, their boss, their parents, the friend down the road, people at church, what if everyone they knew, every single person, was wanting to see them do well in life? How much more would they dare to write in their story?

One day my friend and his college buddies decided to do a social experiment on the power of repetitive communication. At various times throughout the morning, they told the same person something to the effect of ‘Are you ok? You don’t look so good.’ She was sick in bed by noon.

One of my prayers is that I would not be jealous of others, but that my purpose would always be to set up others for success and cheer them on. The story of Ruth and Naomi in the Old Testament is one of the best examples of this. Two women, two generations, who set each other up to win. A model for family, church and community where the older and younger generations learn to cheer one another on.

In the book of Ruth, we start by finding her mother-in-law Naomi in despair and calling herself by the name of Mara (meaning bitterness). Along comes her daughter-in-law Ruth with an attitude and words that would change her story forever. Ruth’s commitment moves Naomi from bitterness to blessedness. Later, Naomi provides wisdom and support when Ruth is trying to make a living and find a life-partner.

Today, however, we live in a time where loose connection is more common than commitment. It is all about our network out there, our social media likes and followers. But maybe what we need is not unending connections, but a few solid commitments? A few people who are committed to us for the journey. People who repeatedly come to us with words and actions of commitment and belief until we finally believe it too.

Intergenerational commitment is about fostering meaningful relationships and responsibilities between different generations within families and society at large. It is a society that values both its past and its future. Church can be a great model of this.

Over the decades, I have had older people encouraging me along in my life, asking about my new job or children, praying for my wellbeing, and reaching out when I am in pain. It is one of the reasons I have been able to thrive instead of give into bitterness. Now it is my turn to provide that for the next generation.

Indigenous culture is another great example of intergenerational commitment. Elders and older generations play a critical role in passing down stories, languages, and customs that shape the identity of the young. From oral histories to the family recipes shared at gatherings, these interactions ensure that heritage is not lost but continues to thrive.

Strong intergenerational ties offer emotional stability and social support for both young and old. Grandparents, parents, and children benefit from the sense of belonging and understanding that comes from close-knit family connections. For seniors, staying involved in the lives of younger generations can reduce feelings of isolation and contribute to better mental health. For youth, guidance from older family members helps navigate challenges and builds confidence.

Intergenerational commitment also has practical financial advantages, such as shared resources and economic stability. I’m hearing more and more about families in Manitoba living intergenerationally, including ‘granny suites.’ Multigenerational households can pool financial and material resources, making it easier to adapt to life’s challenges. Whether it’s grandparents helping with childcare or young adults supporting elderly relatives, these systems of mutual aid are invaluable. One of the hardest things for me to see in my work at the hospital is how often patients do not have a web of loved ones to visit and care for them.

The value of intergenerational commitment is profound and far-reaching. By being committed to relationships across age groups, we can build resilient families, vibrant churches, and a more cohesive society. Without intergenerational commitment Naomi and Ruth would have become two bitter widows. Instead, they became the matriarchs in the line of King David, the line of Jesus Christ.

Gary Dyck is a chaplain and spiritual care provider at a hospital and personal care home in the Southeast.