‘I was dead inside’: MLA recounts mental health struggles

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This article was published 06/12/2022 (970 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

When negative thoughts take hold of Bob Lagasse, he glances down at a semi-colon tattooed on his right thumb.

The Dawson Trail MLA added the punctuation mark to his tattoo collection earlier in the COVID-19 pandemic, to remind him there is always more to be written in the story of his life.

Lately, Lagasse has been looking at that semi-colon more often as he recovers from a bout of depression complicated by the ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) he has lived with since childhood.

“I think for myself, the depression component probably snuck up pretty quietly without me realizing, and then it kind of came to a head a couple weeks back,” Lagasse said Friday in an interview.

Rather than suffer in silence, Lagasse began candidly chronicling his struggles on Facebook.

“Spent most of the day yesterday in bed,” he wrote on Nov. 17. “Everything seems so overwhelming today. I find it weird that I went from being so positive to this so quickly.”

A few days later, Lagasse went to see a doctor who prescribed a medication that started working in under an hour.

“I’m used to so much going on in my head, and now I was able to actually focus on what I needed to focus on,” he said.

As part of his recovery, he also plans to see a psychologist and a counselling therapist.

“I’m going to keep working on a path forward to my healing, and hopefully it helps others to heal as well.”

Last Thursday, Lagasse shared his mental health journey with his 56 colleagues in the Manitoba legislature.

“For me, because I live such a public life, I have an opportunity to get people to kind of listen and try to help in whatever way I can,” he explained.

Lagasse’s emotional two-minute statement, delivered via video link from his constituency office in Ste Anne, earned a standing ovation from the chamber and appreciative remarks from Premier Heather Stefanson and Opposition Leader Wab Kinew.

“The last couple of months, I have felt like I was dead inside,” Lagasse told his colleagues.

“I would often get into my truck at the beginning and the end of the day and break down crying. The dark thoughts of self-harm had started coming often and there was no reason that I could think of.”

His words may have surprised constituents in Dawson Trail, where Lagasse is known for his quirky bowties, colourful shoes, and sleeve tattoos.

“My appearance and the way I look, people wouldn’t think that I’m going to fall apart,” Lagasse told The Carillon. “But I definitely have my days.”

On the worst of them, even simple errands felt overwhelming.

“I’m social, but I just found myself not even wanting to go get milk or the mail,” he said.

Lagasse said it hasn’t been an easy last few years in politics. Angry threats came his way while Manitoba was under COVID-19 public health restrictions.

“Someone showed up at my house, which is not cool,” he said, explaining he is a foster parent to vulnerable children.

Security cameras had to be installed at his home and office. The legislature’s security team advised him to keep his constituency office door locked except for scheduled appointments.

“Politics has changed. It’s not the same as in the past,” Lagasse said.

Another contributing factor was societal norms around masculinity.

“As a man, we have been told since we are young: you need to walk it off, stop being a sissy, and men don’t cry,” Lagasse told the legislature. “All of these statements are lies, and I’m here to tell you, seeking help doesn’t make you weak. You do not have to walk it off and it’s okay to cry.”

Lagasse said younger men are learning to question the received wisdom on toughness and emotions.

“I think it’s a generational thing,” he said. “You’re supposed to bottle these things up, you’re supposed to be strong—well, who said we were supposed to be strong? Who said we couldn’t be human?”

Lagasse ended his legislature statement with some remarks aimed at his colleagues.

“To the members of this Chamber, I have only one message: Be kind to one another, be uplifting, be truthful. In this environment of political theatre, we tend to be harmful to the detriment of our own and others’ mental health.”

That message appeared to fall on deaf ears, as MLAs proceeded to engage in a particularly raucous question period that saw Liberal Leader Dougald Lamont raise his middle finger.

“I kind of wished the decorum had stayed together after (the standing ovation),” Lagasse said.

His decision to deliver the statement virtually was deliberate.

“It gets crazy in there.”

Lagasse said it’s often difficult for him to enter the chamber, where the cut and thrust of partisan debate can give way to antagonism.

“I think it’s probably like the worst part of the job, to be honest with you,” Lagasse said.

“Some of my colleagues really enjoy that part of the job. Others like myself seem to think it’s just theatrics.”

Asked why he is seeking re-election next year, Lagasse said he enjoys working with constituents in Dawson Trail.

“It’s not about the chamber. It never has been for me.”

Messages have poured in since Lagasse made his statement in the legislature.

“One of the more positive ones was a lady who reached out and said that her son is going to benefit from my statement yesterday, and I said, ‘Okay, it’s already having the impact that I was hoping it would have.’”