COLUMN: Let’s Talk Mental Health – Mental health while single

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/04/2023 (784 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Let’s talk once more about relationships and mental health. Many people assume this refers to romantic relationships or couple relationships. It can also refer to those who live a single life, whether by choice or not. Some people wonder if being single too long can lead more easily to depression or anxiety, even suicidal thinking.

Remember that people who are not part of a couple are still people with significant relationships. They have parents, siblings, close friends, extended family, clubs or association memberships, church connections and colleagues. These relationships can be deep, long lasting, and very fulfilling. Many single people have a more extensive and more varied social life as they are often free to accept invitations for activities and events without having to allow for previously planned couple events or the preferences of a partner. This is one of the more positive aspects of being single a long time.

Another positive psychological effect of being single is that singles can channel more energies into achieving goals. This can improve career prospects and set them ahead of their peers who are dividing their energies between spouse and family as well as work. Success in achieving goals can lead to healthier self esteem.

Some studies show that single people have to guard their mental health more carefully, as they may experience the effects of loneliness. As with any other state in life, it is important to be in control of our thinking patterns and our responses to situations. A counsellor well trained in cognitive behavioural therapies as they apply to people with depression can teach how to manage depression and anxiety by choosing how we think about situations and events.

There can also be other negative psychological effects to being single a long time. Research has shown that slightly over half of people who remain single for a long time end up with health issues that can affect the quality of their lives and even their longevity. The most common mental health issues associated with extended singlehood include depression, anxiety, mood disorders, and suicidal ideation. If these are present, there is help available. These conditions can be effectively treated with counselling therapies and, if necessary, medication.

But not every single person experiences mental health issues, just as not every person in a committed couple relationship has the problems that can be associated with that. Most single people are mentally healthy, well balanced, and fulfilled people, just as most members of couple relationships are.

People often ask

Q. All my friends are married or in relationships. How do I keep myself from feeling jealous?

A. If you’re feeling low about being single, it can be difficult to see others moving forward in their relationships. Try hard not to compare yourself to them. The reality is that you can never know all the details of a person’s life or relationship. What appears to be a perfect and fulfilling relationship in a social media post might look quite different in real life. Remember, too, that just because someone else’s relationship might be perfect for them, that does not mean the same thing would be right for you or even that you would want that. Instead of making comparisons that make you feel like you have missed achieving something, focus your mental and emotional energy on identifying happiness in your own life and your accomplishments.

Maintain the important social supports already in your life; it’s essential for protecting your mental health. Make plans with friends, keep up with what’s happening in the lives of loved ones, and remain open to making new social connections. In some cases, new connections can lead to meeting someone you might be interested in romantically, if that is important to you. Perhaps you would prefer to continue to live a rich and satisfying single life for a long time yet and that’s okay. Then moments of jealousy would merely be reminders that someday you would like to have a committed exclusive relationship and until that happens you are just fine.