COLUMN: Ask the Money Lady – Adult children want too much

Dear Money Lady Readers: Do your adult children suffer from “affluenza?”

Hello to all ATML Readers – don’t worry, it’s not the flu or a virus. It’s something we parents have done to our Millennials and Gen Zs. This is to all those parents who are now dealing with defiant, self-absorbed adult children in their 20s and 30s who seem to no longer want to listen to your pearls of wisdom.

Affluenza is a term that was first coined by Fred Whitman in the 1950’s to describe a child that grows up with social and financial privilege. This is quite common these days, whether you are wealthy or not. Many parents have overindulged their children making our new generation of young adults one of the smartest and most educated group of all time; but also, the most entitled.

Let’s face it, as a parent today, you want nothing but the best for your children. Most parents have worked hard all their lives and generally want their children to have a better life than they did. You want them to have the necessary skills to be successful adults, have a solid education, and be whatever they want to be. You have instilled in them the self-confidence to “go out and get what you want,” and we now see a shift in our current young workforce. Employers must work at keeping good employees. You can’t push around a Millennial or Gen Z at work – or they’ll just quit. Gone are the days of their parents where we would just “swallow our pride, say nothing and grin and bear it.” No, now this workforce wants more, and they won’t put up with the things their parents did. In fact, even parents are having difficulty controlling their adults kids who have been heavily manipulated by TikTok, Instagram and other socials that have further parented our kids away from traditional values.

But be careful. As parents try to hold on to their relationships, remember there’s a fine line between giving enough and giving too much. Some parents are not able to say, “no” and sometimes they should. Even though your child is an adult now, it is still necessary to still teach the lesson that we don’t always get what we want. Let me ask you (mom and dad): Did you get everything you wanted out of your life?

As parents aging with a dwindling runway to earning an income and retirement fast approaching, it is necessary for young adult children to understand that the monetary well is almost dry. There is no bottomless pit of bailouts, cashouts and monetary lifts. Parents need to keep their money to age with dignity. I know you want to always help out your kids and you feel a great personal pull to do so – but stop! Your kids need to learn about life like you did – the hard way sometimes. You can’t always be there to pick them up. Love, mental support and being their personal advocate cost nothing but love. Love is the only thing you should be giving now if your children are in their 30’s. Concentrate on your monetary and financial future. I know it’s hard to do, it’s hard to let go and detach a little; but do yourself a “good thing,” and protect your longevity……and maybe for some, your sanity.

Why not attend one of my free presentations provided every month around the country. We’re bringing together keynote speakers, community partners, and experts who can provide practical strategies to help you navigate your life. One great topic I do is on “Aging in the Twenty-First Century” or for your adult children they may prefer “Millennial Saving Strategies.” I’m trying to reach my readers and provide free advice events at community centres and libraries across Canada. Checkout my website (www.askthemoneylady.ca) to find out when I will be in your area, and how you can register to attend. And don’t forget to come and see me after, I want to meet you!

Christine Ibbotson is a Canadian finance writer, radio host & YouTuber. For more advice check out her YouTube channel: ASK THE MONEY LADY – Your Canadian Finance Coach.