COLUMN: Grey Matters – Should old acquaintances be forgot?

“Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your parents, and do not go to your relative’s house when a disaster strikes you – better a neighbour nearby than a relative far way.” Proverbs 27:10

The traditional New Year’s song Auld Lang Syne has me thinking about the value of acquaintances. We have millions of songs about friendship and yet the most popular song to ring in the new year is about old acquaintances. Could it be that trajectory of life is about having many kind acquaintances and not just friends? Afterall, it can be hard, sometimes impossible, to find and keep close friends. A village of acquaintances is much more possible to develop.

Acquaintances can’t replace deep friendships, but they do offer a different kind of value that people often underestimate:

1. Acquaintances expand our world. Close friends provide depth. Acquaintances provide breadth. A wider network of relationships exposes us to new ideas, new opportunities, new perspectives. Research shows our network is more helpful for things like job opportunities, creative collaboration, and even personal growth. Most people have one or two things we can really learn from them. From my first boss I learned that doing a different task can be just as refreshing as a coffee break and from a happy workmate I learned that it is OK to sometimes stop and talk. So, if that is the case, why not have many acquaintances to learn the beautiful truth they embody?

2. Acquaintances help us grow. Close friends anchor us. Acquaintances move us. They can bring a fresh perspective and energy that helps our life stay open rather than closed. Acquaintances give us a place to practice navigating different personalities or ways of being. A wider social network can give us a sense of belonging in multiple communities even if it isn’t super tight. With a broader social identity and experience, acquaintances can help us become more adaptable and socially fluent.

3. Acquaintances can reduce pressure. Close friendships come with expectations — emotional support, loyalty, time investment. Acquaintances don’t. Relationships in this realm are easier to maintain and should be less draining – if they aren’t, they are usually easier to leave. Sometimes we just need light, pleasant social contact. In the hospital I often see instant mood boosts when patients make connections with old acquaintances from their youth or even a stranger who hails from their hometown. Playing the ‘Mennonite game’ seems to provide happy endorphins.

4. Acquaintances fill different roles. No single friend can be our gym buddy, our career mentor, our travel partner, or our “talk about books” person. But acquaintances can fill these micro roles without a long search or needing to be deeply involved in our life.

Auld Lang Syne reminds us to cherish past relationships and thank God for the help along the way. By the time I was 25 years old I had already found and lost five BFFs (best friend forever)! BFF is not a reality for many of us. At age 50, I have finally accepted that friends come and go and to simply cherish the time we did have together. People come and go and that is OK. Not everyone will be there for us our whole life. It’s not always about how long our friendships last, it’s about what we learn, give and receive from one another along the way. Long friendships are precious, but the value and beauty of acquaintances should be recognized more than just once a year in a song.

Gary Dyck is a chaplain and spiritual care provider at a hospital and personal care home in the Southeast.