COLUMN: Grey Matters – An agenda to finish well with others

“Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, ‘I find no pleasure in them’—Remember him before the light of the sun, moon, and stars is dim to your old eyes, and rain clouds continually darken your sky. Remember him before your legs—the guards of your house—start to tremble; and before your shoulders—the strong men—stoop. Remember him before your teeth—your few remaining servants—stop grinding…” Ecclesiastes 12:1-3 (NIV/NLT)

This week we look at the power of finishing well with others – a visionary agenda that does more than chart our final steps; it steadies every step on the road. Dr. John Dunlop shaped this simple four part agenda from what he noticed his patients most needed. But first, let’s listen to another wise voice: Solomon.

Ecclesiastes 12 is a thoughtful summons: remember God while life still feels good and manageable. These verses are not written to scare us, but to rouse us. They remind us that time is a gift, strength just a visitor, and that life goes fast. We are, all of us, as fragile as dust and breath. The first verse above urges us to remember the One who gave us breath in the first place. ‘Remember’ means more than a fleeting thought; it is to live with God – not self – at the center. Solomon warns us not to postpone faith and purposeful living as though the good years are guaranteed. When our lives are rooted in God – early and often – we find an anchor that holds through every season, and a path that leads us safely home.

Solomon could have reached for many names for God, yet he chooses this one: ‘Creator.’ This name carries us back to the first sentence of the Bible, to Genesis 1:1: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” He is the Eternal One, the Source behind all that is – stars and soil, and purpose. It is wise to seek the Creator for guidance. In Genesis 1, we also see humankind as the pinnacle of God’s handiwork. He made us in His image (Genesis 1:27), and His purposes for us are not small. Remembering this changes the way we walk; we are meant to journey with Him, not away from Him!

Near the end of his life – on the final page of his book of wisdom – Solomon’s counsel is simple and urgent: remember your Creator and prepare for the hard days ahead of time. Below is Dr. Dunlop’s ‘Agenda to Finish Well with Others’. It is not too early to start working on them!

Strengthen relationships

To finish well with others is like tending the bridges while we are crossing them. Work on the grace of listening well to others; do the brave work of reconciliation where needed. Life is too short for us to stay bitter. We need good relationships all along the way, especially at the end.

Bequest and blessing

We do not leave behind possessions; we leave meaning. A photograph becomes a story still breathing, an object becomes a testimony of shared life. We shouldn’t wait for death, when we are no longer able to tell the significance of the objects, to pass them on. Even more precious are spoken blessings – intentional prayers we do with and for those we love, letting them know in the presence of our Creator the good we see in them and the good we hope for them.

Enjoyable times

Our last days and months together should not be just solemn. We need to create some good memories and moments of laughter. Ever notice how people need to laugh at funerals just as much as they cry? Humour is holy ground, a reminder that joy has not abandoned us. A well-timed joke, a shared ice-cream snack, a sparkle of mischief – these moments are defiant acts of hope that even after death there will be more to come.

Provide closure

Finally, we offer the gift of completion. We say what must be said: thank you, I forgive you, please forgive me, I love you (see Dr. Ira Byock’s book). We place periods where questions once lingered. We let our loved ones know that we will be OK, that we will always be their loved one. To hear those words ‘I’m going to be OK’, helps those left behind to have peace in their grief.

Gary Dyck is a chaplain and spiritual care provider at a hospital and personal care home in the Southeast.