COLUMN: Beyond the Shelter – Breaking cycles of violence: supporting children, strengthening futures

The experiences we have in childhood shape far more than just memories—they help form the foundation for how we see ourselves, others, and relationships throughout our lives. For children who witness or experience domestic violence, these early experiences can have lasting impacts. But with the right support, healing is possible, and cycles of violence can be broken.

From the moment a child is born, they begin developing what’s known as an attachment style—essentially, how they connect with others. This is deeply influenced by the sense of safety, trust, and stability they experience growing up. When children are exposed to violence or instability, they are more likely to develop anxious or disorganized attachment patterns. These can later show up as challenges in forming healthy, secure relationships in adulthood.

This is where the idea of generational trauma comes in. Without intervention, patterns of violence can continue across generations. Children who grow up witnessing or experiencing abuse may come to see these behaviours as normal, increasing the risk of becoming involved in similar dynamics later in life—whether as victims or perpetrators. It’s a difficult reality, but it’s also one that can be changed.

Early intervention plays a critical role. Children’s brains are still developing, and they have a remarkable ability to adapt and grow—a concept known as neural plasticity. Because of this, children and youth are especially receptive to learning new ways of coping, communicating, and understanding their emotions. With the right support, early intervention can lead to improved mental health, stronger social skills, and greater self-esteem over time.

Healing doesn’t always look like sitting down and talking. For many children, especially those who have experienced trauma, expressing emotions verbally can be difficult. That’s why approaches like play and art therapy are so valuable. Through play and creative expression, children can process their experiences in a way that feels safe and natural. These methods allow them to explore emotions, re-enact situations, and regain a sense of control—without needing to put everything into words.

Caregivers also play a vital role in creating a sense of safety and stability. Small, consistent actions can make a big difference. Maintaining routines helps children feel secure and know what to expect. Validating their emotions—letting them know their feelings are normal and heard—builds trust and connection. Offering simple choices, like what to wear or eat, can restore a sense of control. Teaching coping strategies such as deep breathing or positive self-talk supports emotional regulation.

A helpful way to remember these approaches is through the “3 R’s”: reassure, return to routine, and regulate. These simple principles can guide caregivers in supporting children through difficult moments.

Importantly, families working toward change often demonstrate incredible strength and resilience. Open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to learn new skills are powerful protective factors. When families are connected to supportive networks and community resources, their capacity to heal and grow becomes even stronger.

Breaking cycles of violence is not easy work—but it is possible. With early support, compassionate care, and strong community connections, children and families can move toward safer, healthier futures.

Agape House provides a safe space and 24/7 support to those experiencing domestic violence in Southeastern Manitoba. The local crisis line can be reached at 204-346-0028.

Lisa Fast is the outreach and housing coordinator for Agape House.