COLUMN: Grey Matters – God, our disabilities and reflections

“Abled does not mean enabled. Disabled does not mean less abled.” ― Khang Kijarro Nguyen

Recently I officiated at a funeral for a woman who lived with Down Syndrome. She had a quiet courage in living each day with challenges others did not see or understand. Her courage was not loud or boastful. It did not demand recognition. It simply endured – and in that endurance, it became sacred.

Those who walk this path remind us that life is not about mastering everything, but about receiving each moment with trust. Last week we looked at how asking thoughtful questions can help us go further than ‘why me’ questions. This week we will look at what we can learn from people like my friend.

Here are some thoughts for your reflection:

Maybe by learning not to fear the others’ limits, we can learn not to fear our own neediness.

Maybe by learning to not regret our limits or when we are different, we can learn to be more adaptive, more accepting, more grateful! These would be major developments! It seems that my friend did better than most of us in accepting who she was and embracing life as best as she could. She was amazing at living in the moment.

We can learn that vulnerability is not weakness. It is an opening – a doorway through which love enters. Those who rely on others teach us the beauty of interdependence, something God designed into creation from the beginning. No one is meant to stand alone. In receiving help, they teach us how to give. In their need, they reveal our higher calling to compassion.

We learn patience. In a world obsessed with speed, we are asked to slow down. We are invited into a rhythm that is closer to God’s own – one that values presence over productivity, relationship over results.

We learn joy that is not tied to circumstance. Many who live with disabilities display a joy that does not ignore hardship but somehow coexists with it. It is a joy rooted in something deeper than ease – a quiet testimony to the sustaining grace of God.

We learn what it means to truly see. Not to look quickly and move on, but to recognize the image of God in every person. The divine image is not marred by disability; it shines through it in ways that challenge our assumptions and expand our understanding.

And perhaps most importantly, we learn humility. For when we encounter lives that do not fit our expectations, we are reminded that we do not understand everything. God’s design is vast and mysterious. What we may first perceive as limitation may, in truth, be a different kind of strength—one that reveals God’s presence in unexpected ways. Without people like my friend, our communities would be less rich in the diversity of folk that we need to be good communities. We are enriched in our faith and in the grace we show to ourselves and one another.

Maybe the ‘why question’ (why did God make me like this, why did God make them like that?) is a cop-out, that keeps us from doing the deeper work that comes with thoughtful questions and reflection? May we all carry a deeper awareness, that every person reflects God, and that in the lives of those who challenge our understanding, we can come closer to seeing the face of God.

Gary Dyck is a chaplain and spiritual care provider at a hospital and personal care home in the Southeast.